by Jackie Bartlett
I am a very squeamish person, especially around bodily fluids (When I scoop the cat litter, I usually gag and sometimes actually barf). Before I started Baby School, I thought I would view diaper changes as a necessary and disgusting part of my job. Now, they are one of my favorite parts of my job. I still don't enjoy the smell of a full diaper, but it is a minor inconvenience when compared with the joy of experiencing a child's sense of self-respect and competence. There are so many ways a child can participate in the task. They can hold the fresh diaper, lift their bottoms, hold up the diaper front. The child often laughs, stretches, and coos while they engage with you and the job itself.
Photo by flicker.com/photos/mister_tee/
The key is to ask for help and wait. Then, wait some more. Yes, it is quicker to do the job yourself and not wait for your child to raise his legs a couple of inches when you're going to have to lift his legs anyway to get his butt high enough to clean off, but think about what you are teaching. Your child is ALWAYS learning from you; the question is what they are learning. During a diaper change, you have a choice to do TO your child or do WITH your child. If you go the quick route, maybe giving the child a toy to hold while you wrangle their lower body, you are telling your child that their help is not needed, that caring for your child's body is your job, and they have no role in the care of their own body. If you go the long way, asking for help as you go and waiting, waiting, waiting, you show your child HOW to care for their own body. Your child learns that you want to spend time with them--time when you are not distracted.
Essentially, you show your child your love. For me, what transforms these times from a dreaded chore to a pleasure is that the children show me their love, too. In the banal tasks of care giving we are consistently offered an opportunity to celebrate achievement, to give the gift of time, and to experience mutual love.
by Jackie Bartlett
Last week I had a conversation with my mentor and colleague, and the subject turned to development. He said that development doesn't happen at a steady pace. Children develop for a while, then plateau until the next spurt. I was thinking about my own experiences watching children develop. The babies seem to have major developmental spikes all at once. It's like one day they are relatively immobile and the next they are movers. It's more than that, though. The fine motor skills seem to develop at the same time. Baby E reversed her rolling from belly to back, started using a pincer grip (thumb and forefinger) to grasp things, and made new vocal sounds all in the same day. It was mind blowing to see. Baby S has begun to roll from back to belly while also developing the ability to grasp objects and direct them with his arm and hands (we played a fun ball rolling game that he invented with his new skill).
Thinking about my own life, it seems that development as an adult happens all at once, too (though much less often than it does for babies). Things will be relatively stable and something will happen to change the way I see the world. I will struggle, and in the struggle I will find I am capable of developing new skills--a bunch all at once.
I am reminded of a Magda Gerber quote: "All children accomplish milestones in their own way, in their own time." I am noticing that often their own time is all at once.